Misplaced Memories
by overcloudnine
Summary: The Doctor struggles with his emotions when a lost transmission is recovered from the TARDIS.


**Space.** **The final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship **_**Enterpri-**_

Amy: *bangs on screen* Oi! Just because he was called Mister Spock once doesn't mean you have to enforce it! Get your sci-fi straight!

Rory: So the meaning of 'live long and prosper' really does apply to him? He's got to be hiding those pointed ears...oh, hello Doctor!

Doctor: Ahem! How about we let the author continue?

Amy & Rory: *simultaneously* Fine...but wait! We've recieved a telegram from the author. It says here that she does **not** own _Doctor Who _and **all** copyrights belong to BBC_._ Some elements of this story may consist of minor events that have not actually occured within the series, but were thrown in there to make the story seem more interesting.

Doctor: LOL. This is a fiction...a fan fiction after all...so technically those tiny events...they don't matter! Do they?

Rory: Boy does she make you seem stupid, Doctor. I mean who says LOL out loud?

Doctor: Why you little-! *proceeds to choke Rory*

Amy: Welcome to my life.

*_No characters were harmed in the disclaimer above._

**Misplaced Memories**

Time and space...the never-ending paradox created by God Himself. Years ago our world led us to believe we were alone in this colossal galaxy. It was as if Earth was shut out from the universe and its vast mysteries. But a stranger visitor from a far off land -correction, _planet_- changed the eyes of the selected few for the rest of their lives. Their stories have become an old wife's tale for most of us who remember. They talk about this, this _Time Lord_, who has shown them things no imagination could possibly reach. All from the safety of his...TARDIS. Elders say this extraordinary piece of machine made up the very element mankind thought to be impossible. But I grow tired and weary, so we'll spare the details and take a dive into the everlasting life of the Doctor...and his forgotten affinity.

The gentle sway of the TARDIS traveling through midnight space eased Amy and Rory into a deep slumber after another day of near death and exploration. Not a sound came from the engine's gears, not the usual creaks and odd cracks heard throughout the corridors. It was a quiet night on board, something that the soul of the spaceship missed every once in a while. She purposely dimmed the lights in the control room, putting the Doctor on his toes.

"What's wrong old girl?" he questioned immediately, checking all systems on the panel. Everything scanned up normal, but the TARDIS begged to differ. She gave the engines a low growl followed by an echoing whistle. There was a short click! and the main console was put on temporary lock. The Doctor paced around the unit several times, wondering what his witty little vessel could be up to.

"Because it's you, I'm going to give in," he said gravely. "Trying to tell me something...but what? Give me...oh what do humans call that thing they do when they've done 'too much work'..." the Doctor paused briefly to scan over his mental dictionary of the English language. "Got it! A break! Yeah, give me a break...! Feels weird saying that. But wait a minute...if you've put everything on lockdown...and there's no sign of danger out here in this empty space leaving me with absolutely nothing to do..." his voice grew louder. "Ooooooh I gotcha, you sexy thing. You want ME to actually sit down and relax. Hah! Aren't I clever?"

The TARDIS responded with a rough shake, almost knocking the Doctor off his feet.

"Heh, cheeky. Don't worry you'll always be fantastic in my eyes," he promised, and looked up at the communications screen. The imprint of a fist had been made at the bottom right-hand corner of the terminal. _Amy, _the Doctor frowned, thinking of the many times he'd told not to do that. This was a new model, and he was not going to have it ruined by the hand of a silly ape's rage.

"I've only been able to watch all channels throughout the universe again," he sighed and wondered away, when scrambled white noise broke the silence. It generated an unsettling feeling in the pit of the Doctor's stomach, but he spun around with such bravado that made him feel even worse. His narrow stare quickly found the source of the frequency.

"Oh, damn all Daleks and Cybermen to hell! Amy Amy Amy...I swear to you on my final tombstone," his own anger cut himself off as he examined the communications monitor, which was displaying nothing but electronic noise like an old receiver. The whir of the sonic screwdriver could barely be made out in the static mess. The Doctor continued to aim at the box, but nothing happened.

"Maybe an intersecting signal from an unidentified source..." he tried pushing at the console, forgetting the lock the TARDIS put on it. "Come on dear this is important! Break time is over." He put the screwdriver to work again, growing more and more frustrated by the minute.

"Right then, you asked for it!" The Doctor rose his fists and banged the screen a few times, officially pulling his first Amy on the new desktop theme. Violent flickers appeared, trying to shatter the noise and transmit the real message hidden behind. Something that the Doctor thought was a female voice interrupted the white noise, but it was not clear enough to gather any more information. An outline of the precived woman was forming on-screen.

"One more for bow ties!" he hollered and gave a full fledged punch directly to the screen, making the Doctor cringe in pain...and in horror. He could not tear his eyes from what he saw, and swore to himself he'd never see again. Doorways that had been closed in the darkest part of his mind were being forcefully opened. The pain they desperately tried to seal off was now overwhelming his two hearts. He was unaware of the hand reaching out to touch her face, so cold...like it was the final day he left her for good. Emotions that the Doctor thought he had successfully repressed were still there, hovering over him like a rain cloud.

After a few moments of composing his racing thoughts, he spoke into the darkened room. "Is this what you wanted me to see?" he whispered to his TARDIS. "A looped message of a cry for help? You...you know my past! How could you do this to me!"

"_Doctor, please help me._" Her words sent nostalgic shivers down his spine. The voice of his old companion gave him such a warm feeling inside, yet he knew it would only cut open old scars.

"Stop it," he mumbled. "It's a malfunction. This message is vapid."

The TARDIS grew very still under the Doctor's feet. Only the SOS could be heard.

"Unlock the controls so I can cut the transmission." His hands massaged his eyes furiously, palms becoming damp with tears.

_Doctor, please help me. Doctor, please help me. Doctor, please help me-_

"I can't help you Rose!" he screamed at the terminal, the message still resonating in the background. "Not anymore." He raised his screwdriver [set to kill, not stun! Ahahaha...] to permanently refrain the lost cry of help. _I can finally put an end to you - just as you put an end to me. _

"Doctor?" The sleepy voice of Amy Pond broke his deadly concentration on the female he used to...care for.

"Amy," he said softly, lowering his screwdriver. "What brings you here?"

"Heard you throwing a fit in here that's what. Who's the girl on the monitor?"

"Woman," the Doctor corrected harshly, causing Amy to flinch. "And don't worry about it. It's an old transmission that was mixed inside the TARDIS."

Amy stepped closer to the Doctor's position to assess the situation. She stared closely at the screen, taking in the blonde woman's features. The Doctor feared she might have known her, somewhere in her past. Questions would be asked that couldn't be answered, she wouldn't understand-

"She's obviously in stress...how long ago was this?"

The Doctor breathed out a mental sigh of relief. "I dunno. Centuries maybe. Whatever her problem was, it's gone and resolved itself like it should."

"Excuse me?" Amy said, standing her ground. "That woman is in need of our assistance, and you're just going to forget about it? This is a _time machine,_ Doctor. Have the TARDIS trace the source of the SOS so we can help her!" She leaped over to the navigations panel and blinked a couple of times. "Right, I've seen you do this enough times before." At an attempt to pull a lever back, she nearly strained her arm in the process.

"Oh bloody hell what did you do?" she growled at him.

"Wasn't me," he stated flatly. "TARDIS did it."

Amy threw her arms up in the air. "TARDIS...er...unlock the panels! Now!" Nothing but silence, and the relaying message. "Can't you put a mute on that thing? It's driving me mad."

"Once she releases the controls, yes I can."

"Why are you so mellow about this? Doctor she's in trouble and here YOU are not doing a damn thing about it!"

"Because I can't, Amy! Okay?" he yelled. "She exists in a parallel universe! This message was sent during a different war with the Daleks when a rift in time and space was opened...seems like just yesterday."

Amy's face had twisted into what she thought to be her thinking face (while others still regarded it as her constipation look). "You're telling me you knew this person from the past...before the whole parallel space thingy?"

"Yes. Rose Tyler...former companion, savior of the world...the real cause of my last regeneration." The Doctor chuckled a little. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this."

"This Rose had a huge impact on you eh? Bet she was something...special," she sighed quietly at her last statement. "When you say parallel universe...is that like a whole other dimension?"

"You betcha. Any decisions and actions made in our universe, has the opposite effect on the other one."

"Oooh, sounds exciting! Can we go? Maybe I'll run into my other self!" she laughed.

"No...there would have to be another rift in order for that to happen. The possibly of being stuck is too great as well. It's a part of the dangers of space & time travel, Amy...but this is where I cross the line. I can't bare to loose another companion again."

Amy frowned, not convinced about his relationship with this girl. "Rose wasn't just 'another companion', Doctor. I can see it in your eyes. You loved her, didn't you?"

The Doctor fumbled with his screwdriver absentmindedly. No one had ever really confronted him about this before. With Martha, he didn't need saying. She knew that when he looked at her, it wasn't Martha he saw. He had tried to mold the image of Rose on her, an effort to ease his sorrow. In some cases it worked; there were rare moments where Martha had done something that reminded him of something _she'd _do. And after she left with her unrequited love for him, he was all alone, like he should be. But then he ran into Donna, the feisty red-headed human he thought he'd ever meet in his life (until Amy, that is) and he felt complete once again. He would mention Rose maybe once in a blue moon, as her fellow primates would say. It was never enough to reveal the feelings he kept locked up for her. Not until the end. By then everyone had seen who he really wanted to be with. She came back...just like he always knew she would. And somehow he knew it wasn't her place to be with him. So they parted ways yet again...leaving a piece of him behind.

Rose Tyler lives happily with her Doctor, for he was able to tell her the words the real Doctor could never truly bring himself to say.

He looked up at Amy, with the tears blurring his vision. "Yes. I love Rose Tyler, the woman who changed my life as I knew it." At those words the TARDIS began to creak back to life; the lights restored and the control panels were unlocked.

"The TARDIS is back in gear, woo!" Amy yelled, and proceeded to dance around the room. Meanwhile, the Doctor was gazing at the screen. The image of Rose was fading out into a weak transmission, soon to disappear. He smiled one last time at her.

"I never gave you my response when I first left you on Bad Wolf Bay..." he whispered, and held a short pause. "I love you too."


End file.
